28-year-old man insists that all household chores can be saved until the weekend, girlfriend of 3 years despairs at gnat-ridden piles of dishes: 'I do everything else in our apartment'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 25, 2025 1:00 PM EST

When it comes to basic household chores, 'little and often' can be a good mantra to live by. Many people have neither the time nor the patience to scrub floors and dust every single surface daily, but wiping a surface here and picking up some trash there can make things a heck of a lot more manageable when it comes to the less frequent intensive cleaning.

One of the clearest examples of this is washing dishes. There is nothing like food waste and a full sink to immediately make a home look dirty, even if you have only just finished cooking. Despite this, it is a chore that is often a major point of contention between people who live together, as are domestic chores in general. Being on the same page when it comes to household cleanliness is important for any kind of cohabiting relationship, but it doesn't always work out so well. 

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    via Victoria Romulo

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one woman learned the hard way when she moved in with her boyfriend last year. While he only had a handful of designated chores, he insisted that during the week he was too busy and tired to do them and that it was normal to save them for the weekend. The biggest problem with this is that one of his responsibilities was doing the dishes, which he left to pile up in a way that his girlfriend felt difficult to cope with. 

    While she hoped to maintain the relationship with him, she was becoming increasingly tired of his behavior and excuses when it came to chores and it led her to the internet to look for advice.

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    Cheezburger Image 10459003904
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My (28F) partner (28M) thinks adults don’t do daily chores, only on the weekends. How do I navigate this argument?

    my (28F) partner (28M) is currently arguing with me over this. We've been together 3 years, living together for 1 year. He claims adults do NOT do chores daily, that they save it for the weekend. I countered that most functioning adults living independently do some chores daily to maintain their living space.
    via hexkat84
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    This argument began bc my partner is responsible for the dishes (aka emptying & filling the dishwasher). He often lets them pile up in the sink until it overflows, smells & we get fruit gnats. I suggested it would be better to do the dishes daily, or at least empty the dishwasher daily so we can put dirty dishes in there rather than the sink. He then told me that that is not feasible, as he is tired after work & the gym. Adults only do chores on the weekends, we shouldn't have to do dishes every
    via hexkat84
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    Keep in mind, his chore list consist of dishes, cleaning the cats litter, feeding our pets breakfast, & putting our trash outside. I do everything else in our apartment. It's exhausting. Idk how to get through to him that we cannot keep living this way. I have threatened to leave, I don't think he believes I actually will. He's a great person, just a terrible romantic partner/roomate. I don't want to leave, but it seems like things won't change & I refuse to be with a man child.
    via hexkat84
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    Update bc questions: he will typically do the dishes every 3-4 days unless I tell him to sooner. he does the cat litter daily (thank god) i don't want kids so that's not really a factor We lived with my parents for a year before getting an apartment. I knew he was messy (i am too) but not to this extent. our lease is up in april so if i leave it'll be then to make things easier TL;DR my partner thinks he doesn't have to do the dishes daily bc "adults don't do chores everyday"
    via hexkat84
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    Most people weren't impressed with his behavior, with some offering constructive advice.

    justtirediguess11 Honestly, this is a just a stupid excuse he is throwing in front of you for not wanting to do the work. I refuse to believe that a person who is 28 doesn't know that dishes are done everyday. He's a great person, just a terrible romantic partner/roomate And were you looking for a great person? Let him have his medal of Honor from president. That's of no use to you if he is not a good partner/roommate.
    via justtirediguess11
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    janabanana67 You are correct. What is the point of being in a relationship with him? Is it just better to be miserable and with someone or lonely?
    via janabanana67
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    hexxcellent Happiness and relationships are fleeting but dishes and laundry are forever.
    via hexxcellent
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    Individual_Water3981 Some chores are done weekly, like yard work, laundry, deep cleaning a bathroom. But dishes are definitely done every day. I absolutely hate cleaning and can be so lazy. But it takes two seconds to rinse a dish. I thought that was common knowledge.
    via Individual_Water3981
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    _tater_thot There are basic daily chores like dishes, cooking, washing clothes, cleaning up after yourself, and weekend things like mowing, washing bedding, deep cleaning. If a grown person doesn't get that and lets dishes get that bad then idk how you can change their mindset. Maybe they just want someone to do everything for them.
    via _tater_thot
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    chaos_almighty And even with things like mowing, you still have to work around the weather depending on where you live and it may be not raining and cool enough when you're off work and tired to mow it. Also a dishwasher is barely a chore. I agree with you 100%. You can't change someone who doesn't want to listen.
    via chaos_almighty
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    Ferret-in-a-Box Yea that blows my mind, I struggled a LOT with getting to a place where I keep my place clean and tidy (bipolar disorder, adhd and parents who rarely cleaned when I was growing up) but dishes have always been one of the easiest things for me because you just scrape/rinse it off and then put it in the dishwasher? It's not that hard? Obviously I'm assuming they have a dishwasher. Even if he didn't put them up, at the very least he could have them clean in the dishwasher so there wo
    via Ferret-in-a-Box
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    smol9749been Sounds like he wants a mom, not a partner
    via smoll9749been
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    txa1265 Agreed - and also sounds like he didn't have to deal with any of his own stuff growing up. The amount of parents releasing underdeveloped boys into the word is appalling ... at 28 you should be able to independently run a household - cook, clean, laundry, etc. If you are regularly getting bugs then you are failing.
    via txa1265
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    CatCharacter848 Well if you don't do chores until the weekend you won't be cooking or doing his laundry will you until the weekend. Honestly do you want to live your life like this.
    via CatCharacter848
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    MrsValentine You do realise, right, that when you read about other women complaining that they live with manchildren, and you think to yourself "I wonder why she stays and lets herself be used like that?", it's because all those women believe that their partner is a great person and wonderful partner, EXCEPT
    via MrsValentine
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    DutchElm Wife You know, I think you can work with this. Since you don't want kids, your current lifestyle is pretty much set. So, sit down with a piece of paper and re-negotiate the chores. Give him all the weekend ones: scrubbing bathrooms, tidying vacuuming and mopping, changing the sheets and towels, gathering up all the household trash and bringing it out to your central trash cans, weekly grocery shopping. You take on the daily chores: Dish washing, putting away the dishes, cleaning the sto
    via DutchElmWife
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    laurzilla Yes, you should do this. And then you should watch as those weekend chores don't get done. I think he's being disingenuous here - he clearly does some daily chores already. He just doesn't want to do the dishes because he finds it unpleasant. I'm assuming this feeling will extend to cleaning the bathroom as well, and he will find an excuse for why he shouldn't do that also (it only needs to be done once a month, etc etc)
    via laurzilla
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    Mediocre PlumPudding "Sure honey! Let's try it your way, if we can split chores equally during the weekend. We can make a list. Which ones do you want?" Watch him struggle to spend the entire chores instead of fun stuff. weekend doing This is why my mother enforced weekly cleans on Fridays after school and work, leaves the weekend for fun stuff. I still do Fridays.
    via MediocrePlumPudding
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    cressidacole Does he struggle with the concept of personal hygiene too? You shouldn't have to explain dishes to someone that's 28 years old.
    via cressidacole
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    JellicoAlpha_3_1 this is why you live together in relationships, to see if you are compatible You are not, in fact, compatible Take that for what you will
    via JellicoAlpha_3_1
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    Jooles95 'Adults only do chores on the weekend' is something I expect to hear from a 12-year-old who has no idea of what being an actual adult is like. There are absolutely chores that can be done weekly and deferred until the weekend - dusting, hoovering/mopping the floors, changing the bed linens, cleaning the bathroom - but things like laundry, dishes and general tidying up after oneself have to be done daily. Gross factor aside, who the heck wants to spend hours doing six loads of laundry an
    via Jooles95
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    yacobson4 26 M here. Moved in with my fiancé about 7 months ago. There were just things that are non negotiables and you do them because you respect your partner. My fiancé wants the bed made daily so we make the bed every morning. I don't like dishes sitting in the sink over night so we make sure to do them together before our night time routine. Was it an adjustment? Yes. But I value our relationship and her mental well being far more than me "not wanting to make the bed" or "clean the bathroo
    via yacobson4
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    emptynest_nana Adults do chores as they needed done, if you cook, you wash the dishes, if you make a mess, you clean it up. If you do the minimum of picking up after yourself during the week, that makes the weekend chores easier to do!!! Every weekend, I know I have to do laundry and change my sheets. Then there is the thought of, if you work all week at a job, why would you leave cleaning for the weekend, to guarantee you don't get a day off?
    via wmptynest_nana

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